Here It Goes Again

Sorry, kids... recess is over. It's been three months and 13 days now since my surgery. My last post was a month and 12 days ago. So how have things been going since then?

Still painful. I'd say there's been no improvement in the pain over the last month except that when I last wrote, I was still taking at least two doses of Aleve daily for the pain. Now I'm typically only taking one or, more often, none. The pain itself doesn't really feel any better than six weeks ago, but I guess it's no worse now without painkillers than it was WITH painkillers then... so that means something, right? I still can't wear my old boxer briefs, either, but at least we've found a new kind of "regular" underwear (read: non-jockstraps) that I can wear without worsening the pain. (Brazilian trunks, if you must know.)

I went in this morning for the dreaded 3-month post-op semen analysis. It had to be done this week in time for my urologist/surgeon to get the results before my 8:00am 3-month post-op follow-up appointment on Monday. I swear that there are few things more awkward than walking into a waiting room full of women to tell the woman at the desk, "I'm here to drop off a semen sample." At least this time I had been given the collection cup beforehand, and a bag to deliver it in, rather than being led into a bizarre male patient room designated for this purpose, featuring a toilet, a sink, a large window, two leather couches, and a generous stack of Playboys & Penthouses. Porn be damned, that's one of the LEAST sexy things I've ever done.

So now it's done. My wife told me afterwards to try not to worry, as there's nothing we can do about the results of the analysis now, so all we can do now is wait. And I know she's right; I've often said similar things to her or others. But the cliche is true: "Easier said than done." I probably won't hear the results before that Monday appointment, but I'm already dreading the potential news if my phone rings before then and I see the clinic's name on the caller ID. Really, REALLY dreading Monday's appointment, too - more humiliation before the doctor, the potential to be told that the surgery has done nothing but give me increased pain, and the fear of not knowing what's next if the results of today's test (or Monday's exam) are not good.

But we carry on. Circumstances came together in an almost-too-perfect way for my surgery back in November. This was the road I chose to take, and all signs pointed then that this was the right choice to make. That's still true today. So what we CAN do, besides just waiting, instead of worrying, is to pray and trust God that He wouldn't have brought us here without a very good reason. There's the potential for very good news from today's test & Monday's appointment, too, so I'll hold onto that hope. And even if the results aren't all that we hope for right away, it's not the end of the road. We'll just figure out together which step next to take. Together.

So... here's hoping. And praying. Here we go.